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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26231881">Wedding gift</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chaneta/pseuds/Chaneta'>Chaneta</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Homestuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, M/M, Not A Fix-It, Post-Wedding, Sadstuck, The Homestuck Epilogues: Candy, Time Travel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 11:22:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,326</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26231881</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chaneta/pseuds/Chaneta</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Marriage had never been an option for Dave Strider. However, there he was, just married to Jade. He should be inside by her side, dancing with her and smiling happily to their guests. Instead, he was here, three hours into his marriage on the balcony with John, with a bottle of champagne in his hand and a feeling of intense disappointment chewing his insides. </p><p>And then, John asked him a crucial question.</p><p>  - Do you still use your time powers?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Jade Harley/Dave Strider</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>54</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Wedding gift</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello everyone, this is my first time writing something in this Fandom so I hope to make the characters justice. </p><p>The story happens during Homestuck Candy Epilogue episode 27 (Dave and Jade's wedding day) and it has exact quotes from it, so spoiler alert. I don't want to spoiler my own story more than I already did in the tags so if anyone decide to read it, I accept hugs or virtually murder intents afterwards in the comments. Seriously, please let me know what you think of it, I love hearing all your opinions.</p><p>Finally, I don't own Homestuck or any character and this is just for fun.</p><p>I am used to write in the Spanish way, so just to be clear:<br/>Dialog begins with -<br/>Thoughts are in italics<br/>Words between "" are for emphasis (or for ironic reasons)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Marriage had never been an option for Dave Strider. In his youth he considered himself to be too cool for it; marriage was for little girls, lame guys and stupid rom-coms. Good mocking material for his ironic tendencies but never something to pursue. Then, the end of the world came when he was thirteen, he found himself trapped in Sburb, fighting and dying more times that he cared to remember and humanity was reduced to a total population of eight teenagers. Of whom only four of them were actually girls, with two of them sharing a scary amount of identical DNA with him and another transformed into something similar of a werewolf. Of course, by then there was the trolls but, regardless of the fact that they were literally aliens, the concept of marriage was not included in their excessively complicated quadrant relationships. He never even thought of marriage that wasn’t between a man and a women until his sister put a ring in her alien girlfriend’s finger.</p><p>However, there he was, just married to Jade. She had been his friend for almost 30 years by then, someone who had suffered the same as him and that had stayed at his side for decades. She was beautiful, incredibly smart, funny, stronger than him and she was also immortal. Anyone would be lucky to be married to her, he was lucky, he truly was. He loved her, she had never abandoned him or given up on him and she always knew how to cheer him up. He should be happy. He should be inside by her side, dancing with her and smiling happily to their guests, almost all their friends were there for them in spite of the civil war. Instead, he was here, three hours into his marriage on the balcony with John, with a bottle of champagne in his hand and a feeling of intense disappointment chewing his insides.</p><p>- You okay, dude?</p><p>Dave turned his eyes to his friend for a moment, hiding behind his glasses. Of course, John noticed his glum mood even though when he tried to joke and look fine. John was his best bro after all. And he was not fine, he had not been fine in a long time.</p><p>- Eh… – he failed to answer.</p><p>- Having been married once before, I gotta say... it’s all kind of overwhelming, huh?</p><p>Yeah, that was a good excuse. John had indeed been married and it had not ended well for him, after all. He could go with that; he could say that he was nervous or overwhelmed but it would have been a lie. He was not nervous. He was not feeling anything in particular. Only disappointment.</p><p>- Yeah, I guess – he answered - I dunno, Jade and I have been together so long this all just feels like…</p><p>Like something he had to do. It was clearly something that Jade had wanted for a long time, a life-long commitment. An eternity-commitment. She had deserved that at least.</p><p>- Whatever – he said in the end.</p><p>There was no other way to express it, he had done it for her, it didn’t really matter to him. He had wanted to feel something, he had wanted to feel excited and happy for accomplishing this milestone with Jade. He had tried really hard to feel it and he had actually been kind of nervous in the beginning. He had spent almost an hour checking his clothes and his hair in front of the mirror that morning. He had thought that he was finally getting into the mood but, instead, he had spent the ceremony unconsciously hoping for something to happen, for someone to come. For HIM to come. For Karkat. Even after the “yes, I do” he kept telling himself that there was still hope. Maybe he didn’t came to the ceremony but he won’t miss the dinner for sure. Ok, he missed the food, but he was a busy guy, for sure he will be there for a dance, even if it was only to laugh at his dancing skills. The moment he realised he was not going to be there, even as a last-minute guest, was like being drenched in cold water. He was not coming. Ok, cool, it was fine, it was perfect. But it wasn’t because if his fucking wedding was not enough to get his attention he didn’t know what will. He would probably never see him again, Karkat would probably die in the battlefield as a hero or in a few decades for old age in Meenah’s arms without Dave even knowing. And he would have to keep on living for all eternity with that hole inside of him.</p><p>- I was sort of hoping that… - he began.</p><p>He should stop. He should not say it aloud, if nobody said anything it would be like it didn’t happened. Nobody needed to know, it was his fucking wedding day, it was too late, he had already said yes in front of everyone, how lame would it be to say this now? But it was John, and he knew, he had always known.</p><p>- I mean, considering that we’re working together in the Rebellion and everything…</p><p>That had been another mistake, years ago. He believed in the Rebellion, he had always agreed with their ideas, but he was a passive activist, preferring to protest through his art from the safety of his home than volunteering himself for battle. But at that point in time it had been years without hearing from him, there had been no way to contact or find him and he didn’t trust the information provided by Jane’s media. He had only seen his picture in banners and advertisements, he could have been already dead, only a symbol for the Rebellion. He was worried sick, and he missed him terribly, so when Jade proposed him to join the Rebellion together he had jumped on the opportunity. At least working inside the same organisation, he knew for sure that he was alive. He had even managed to get a short glimpse of him from afar a couple of times, too far to really see him. But that had been it. Jade and he had been relocated under a superior officer and never got direct orders from him. Sometimes Meenah checked on them, always with a malicious and knowing smile that made clear that Commander Vantas was avoiding them. Maybe that was why he had been unconsciously hoping of seeing him today, it would have been the first time in more than a decade.</p><p>- I was hoping that Karkat would show – he confessed.</p><p>John didn’t say anything else for a while. There was nothing to say after all, everyone had their problems and John knew it better than anyone. John had been there for him in the beginning, when everything went to hell, when Karkat left and disappeared from their lives. Dave had blamed him then, accused Karkat of being selfish, of breaking something great for no good reason. He knew better now, he finally understood. John had always known the kind of feelings Dave had for Karkat, he even blamed Jade once of messing with their relationship. Dave knew that John didn’t approve of him and Jade being married, not really. But even with his reluctance, he was there as his best man, that was why he was his best friend.</p><p>- So, you’re still not... um, over that? – was asking John then. - The whole Karkat thing?</p><p>No. He was not over it, he wasn’t sure if he was capable of ever being over the “Karkat thing”. Sometimes it was stronger and sometimes he almost forgot it was there, but it always came back eventually. It had become a certainty in a world full of nonsense, like gravity, like time.</p><p>- I mean, will I ever be over it? – he answered honestly. - The way I felt about him probably isn’t the kind of shit you just get over. You just sorta… live with it. No matter how it turns out.</p><p>Yeah. That had always been his tune, it never mattered if what was between them was just camaraderie, friendship, or something more. It was enough. Simply having him there was enough for him, he was happy with anything he gave him. He was happy with letting time pass, happy with having both of them in his life: Karkat and Jade. It was not perfect, but it was enough. And, at that time, it had seemed that it would stay the same forever, that they would always be together, the three of them. He took it for granted until he lost it. And then he didn’t do anything about it, convinced that it was a temporary situation, only a break, mostly caused by the complicated political situation and not because of them. He had been wrong. And now it was too late to go back, he could only go forward.</p><p>- But he is with Meenah and I’m with Jade, and the whole world’s gone fucking batshit, so, what’s the point in looking backwards now, right?</p><p>Yeah. What was the point? He had to let it go and try to forget him. He had a wife now, he had to focus on her. Time to change the topic. He let out a soft laugh and slapped John on the back.</p><p>- Yo, dude, thanks for being my best man – he thanked John.</p><p>- Thanks, man. No problem! – answered John, clearly embarrassed.</p><p>- Cuz you are, ya know, you’re my best bro, my main man, my most devoted dude – he insisted, really grateful for having a friend like John. – Cheers, John!</p><p>- Cheers, Dave.</p><p>They toasted and drank in silence. The noise of the party inside reached them, reminding Dave that he should go inside and be with his wife. Wife, he was still not used to it.</p><p>- Do you still use them? – he heard John said.</p><p>- Eh? – he asked, confused.</p><p>- Your time powers – explained his friend. – Do you still use them?</p><p>That was weird. It had been ages since they talked about this topic and it was a bit sudden for John to mention it now. It was not like time travel could solve anything, it only created alternative doomed timelines and he had had enough of them during the game.</p><p>- Not really – he answered. – Changing the timeline is a tricky and dangerous business. Every travel creates loopholes that have to be completed and the further back I go, the higher is the risk. We are not in the game anymore, I don’t know what will happen if I create a doomed timeline by mistake.</p><p>- But you could go back to a relatively close past without causing damage to the timeline, right? – insisted John.</p><p>- I guess, if nobody sees me and I don’t change anything relevant – he concluded. – Why are you asking, John?</p><p>His friend only smiled at him in the sad way he had been doing since they finished the game. He knew that John had had a harder time adjusting to living a normal life in Earth-C than the rest of them, but it was still painful to see. He missed his childhood friend’s happy smile. John kept looking at him for a moment before apparently reaching a conclusion and nodding to himself.</p><p>- Come with me – said John then.</p><p>John took Dave by his arm and forced him to follow him inside and then alongside the hall to a nearby window half hidden from view with black curtains. He seemed almost excited, so Dave went with him, only half protesting when his friend proceeded to open the window a bit. It was good to see trickster John in action again.</p><p>- Okay, I think this will work – he heard John whispering to himself.</p><p>- What trickstery are you planning, John? – he asked, curious.</p><p>- I just remembered that I never gave you a wedding gift – was John answer.</p><p>Oh. Well, it was not like it was John’s fault. It had been hard enough to plan this wedding in secret in a place away from Jane’s network, so the invitations had to be sent in person and with only a week of advanced notification. Wedding gifts had not even crossed his mind, but the guests had seemed to disagree and all of them had come with a small present. With the exception of John, but he was his best man, so his presence was more than enough. Specially because John was not exactly in favour of him marrying Jade. His friend was convinced that he was making a mistake with this marriage. He meant well and he was there after all so Dave didn’t mind it. Not giving him a wedding gift had been a small act of rebellion.</p><p>- Oh, John, you don’t need to give me anything – he protested. – I know how you feel about the situation.</p><p>- I changed my mind; I have something to give you after all – John insisted. – It’s only a small advice, is it up to you if you decide to follow it or not.</p><p>That was even weirder, it was definitely a trick, but Dave had always been a curious person. If it was a stupid trick he was confident that he would be able to avoid it and if not he would only have to trick John back as revenge.</p><p>- Ok, what is your “advice”, then?</p><p>- I want you to go back twenty minutes in time and check the balcony – was John answer. – Only twenty minutes without anyone seeing you will not doom the timeline, right?</p><p>- I don’t think so, there is a low probability of being spotted in that short time and even if I do, it would hardly have any serious repercussion because it won’t affect the past that much – he rambled while thinking about it. – But why do you want me to go back? I was there with you, I have seen our conversation once already.</p><p>- This is my advice, it’s up to you if you want to follow it or not – insisted John with a small smile. – Seeing your expression and hearing yourself when talking of Karkat might help you realise something.</p><p>Oh. So, John still had a bit of hope that he would… what? Come to his senses or something like that? He was not deluding himself, he knew what he felt. He also knew that some opportunities only presented themselves once in life, he had had his opportunity and he lost it. He doubted that seeing himself mourn would help him at all.</p><p>- John… - he tried to protest.</p><p>- Trust me, Dave – almost begged his friend, putting a hand in his shoulder. – I will go back to the party now, it’s your decision. No matter what you do, if you don’t want to talk about it again, we won’t.</p><p>And with that he left and let him be. Dave turned to the window, he had a good view of the balcony from the side and with the open window he would probably be able to hear the conversation with enough clarity. He couldn’t see the point though, what would he accomplish going back? It was not like he was going to learn anything new and he didn’t like to joke around with time. There had been something weird with their current timeline for some years now, it was delicate, fragile. He was almost scared of messing around with it and he was not convinced that reliving their last ten-minute conversation was worth it. Wait. Their conversation had lasted between eight to ten minutes, but John had told him to go back <em>twenty</em> minutes. His friend was not the best with time but even he had to know that their conversation had not been that long. And he had also been quite specific, he had told him to go back that amount of time instead to tell him something like “go back and listen our conversation again”. Weird, weird, weird. It was not typical of John to be cryptic or to be exact with something like that. So, it was a trick, there was something else there, maybe something that had happened <em>before </em>their conversation?</p><p>Dave took a look around him. He was alone and in a pretty reclusive corner, everybody was in the ballroom, dancing and socialising. If he kept hidden behind the curtains nobody would realise he was there, not even himself. It was risky, it could be nothing, only John playing games on him. Or it could be something, something that John wanted him to see. Or <em>someone</em>. His treacherous heart skipped a beat with that thought and almost before realising it he was reaching for his powers. He had to try, if there was the smallest possibility… He cut short his own thought and reached to his core, looking for a sensation that he had not used in decades. He felt the timeline and went back. Five, ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five, thirty minutes. It was further away than John had recommended, but he didn’t want to miss it, whatever it was. He opened his eyes and looked around. Nobody in the hall or nearby but he could hear the music from the ballroom where everyone was dancing. He turned and looked outside, to the balcony. There was someone there, a long profile wearing black from head to toes, resting against the railing with arms crossed over their chest and eyes fixed in one of the windows in the opposite direction than himself. It was not John and it was clearly not himself.</p><p>A sudden dizziness forced Dave to take a step back. He concentrated in breathing slowly, filling his lungs as much as he could in each inspiration. He knew that profile, he had seen it in every recruiting poster in the city and even on TV in the occasional promotional video from the police against the “leader of the terrorists”. It was Commander Vantas in person, he was here, he really came to his wedding. Recovered from his dizzying spell, Dave moved back near the window, using one of his trembling hands to grab the curtain and hide himself from direct view from the balcony. He needed to see him. He had actually never seen him in his adult form before from so close. Last time he saw him, really saw him, Karkat was still a short, angry teenager with spiky hair, small horns, and a fiery personality. Even having the same age, trolls didn’t grow gradually like humans do. They suffered a full-body transformation similar to the insects’ metamorphosis twice in their life: once when they were wigglers to get a child form, and sweeps after to obtain their final adult shape. When Karkat disappeared he still had his child appearance, but short time afterwards he appeared again in the media as the leader of the Rebellion looking like a full-growth adult. As a consequence, this was the first time that Dave was seeing his adult form. It was probably going to be the last time, too.</p><p>He was taller but not by much, still a couple inches shorter than Dave. His hair was the same black mess, but it was longer, almost hiding his small orange horns now. His skin was darker, a black grey that was almost black and contrasted beautifully with his yellow claws and the top of his white teeth, visible even with his mouth closed, as always. He looked stronger now, broad shoulders and back, with his skin-tight uniform showing huge muscles in arms and legs. He was fucking ripped. And hot, hotter than ever before, even hotter in person than in his photoshoped advertisements. He was wearing Alternian’s military fatigues with his sign and a cape that partially hided the pair of sickles attached to his belt. It was definitely him, it was Karkat, HIS Karkat.</p><p>The shaking in Dave’s hands had grown into full-body spasms. Karkat was here, he was at an almost touching distance from Dave. He could run to the balcony in less than a minute, crap, he could jump or fly to the balcony from there. He could get himself there, grab his arm, turn him around and… and what? Hug him? Kiss him? Dave’s eyes burned and he had to cover his mouth to repress a sob. What was he thinking? Was he really thinking of jumping into Karkat’s arms like the last couple of decades had not happened? On his own wedding day? Of kissing him while a Dave from thirty minutes ago was dancing with his wife Jade in a ballroom full of friends? His vision blurred for a moment and Dave had to focus on repressing his tears. He was a Strider and Striders didn’t cry. Striders get the girl, all the girls. Striders didn’t like boys, Striders didn’t fell in love, Striders didn’t get heartbroken. Striders were stupid bastards that never learned and were worthless scums. Fuck it and fuck Bro and fuck every nauseating thought that still haunted him about what a Strider had to be.</p><p>The noise from the ceremony hall increased with clapping and wolfing calls. Oh, other Dave must have dripped Jade into a kiss in the middle of a dance, he remembered doing that. It had been an ironic-but-not-really-ironic move that Jade had loved. Dave’s eyes went to his hand for a moment, to the ring shining in his finger, his wedding ring. He was married now, married to Jade. He was happy with Jade, he was, he loved her. He did, but. But. His eyes raised again to the gorgeous figure on the balcony. Karkat had looked away from the window in the last minutes and now his gold eye with a red iris was focused on the floor, fury and sadness clearly visible in it. Oh, right, he had an eyepatch now. Which was the worst crime in all timelines because his eyes were amazing. Dave already knew that his iris had changed to red, he had seen them in every advertisement and poster before and after he lost one of them, but none of those made justice to his iris. His remaining eye was so bright, almost neon red, if red could ever be considered neon. It was the colour of hot iron, burned in the highest fire. Passioned like fire and determinate as iron. Fuck. He facepalmed himself. Now he was a poet? It didn’t even made sense, “determinate as iron”? What that even meant? He was becoming crazy, crazier at least. He looked again. Karkat’s eye was closed, hidden behind one of his hands. Shit, he looked so sad, so alone. Fury and guilt burned in Dave’s throat. Why he didn’t say anything? Why coming here looking so pitiful if he was not going to say anything to anyone? Why had Karkat been avoiding him like this for so long? Why not letting him explain, apologize, anything? He hadn’t wanted to hurt him like this, he hadn’t though he was still hurting him after so long, he thought he was the only one regretting past mistakes. If only he had another change he would never hurt him again, if he had only appeared during the ceremony…</p><p>Dave was half outside the window (deciding that doomed timelines could go fuck themselves because he needed to go to Karkat, confess to him everything he had always been too coward to say, kiss him and hug him and never let him go again) when Karkat’s posture changed again to his cool dude pose, his eye fixed to the ballroom’s window. Half a minute later, John appeared in the balcony with a half-smile and began talking to him. Dave retreated to his hidden position almost without realising it. He had been right then, John knew, he knew that Karkat had been there and he didn’t even mention it. John had actually <em>talked</em> to Karkat and then to him <em>about</em> Karkat, about his <em>feelings for Karkat</em> and he hadn’t even insinuated the troll’s visit. Maybe Karkat had still been there when he was talking to John, confessing to John that he would always love the troll. Shit. Did he hear? But he didn’t saw Karkat there in the balcony, only John, and as far as he knew, the troll couldn’t fly.</p><p>- I REALLY SHOULDN’T BE HERE.</p><p>Dave’s attention went back to the balcony immediately. His voice had changed too, it had a deeper tone now. And it was loud, as always. Thank fuck for Karkat’s loud voice, he had always been able to hear the full capital letters he used in pesterchum in his real voice. He had missed it, he had missed it so bad. Fuck, now he was crying for real.</p><p>- Why not? You were on the guest list – asked John.</p><p>- OH, HMM, I DON’T KNOW – answered Karkat in his best sarcastic tone. - MAYBE THINK ABOUT IT FOR TEN SECONDS, JOHN.</p><p>Oh. So that was why he didn’t come inside. But John was right, he got an invitation for a reason. An invitation he personally made, an invitation he spent nights slaving over, worrying about what to say and how to convince him that he wanted him there. An invitation that took a lot of secrecy and magical space powers from a doggy girl to deliver. An invitation for which he spent full days worrying if it had reached him and if he was going to come, oh Gods, please make him come. He was expected, both him and Jade wanted him there, <em>needed</em> him there.</p><p>- I guess this would probably be pretty hard to watch if you were still, you know, all heartbroken about it. – said John, almost too low for Dave to hear.</p><p>Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fucking fuck! Dave plastered himself to the window, trying his best to hear Karkat’s answer without being discovered. He didn’t even know what he wanted to hear. Hearing Karkat confirming that he was “heartbroken” would be painful and amazing and complicated and a fucking mess. But hearing him refusing it…</p><p>- I WOULDN’T SAY THAT I WAS STILL “ALL HEARTBROKEN” ABOUT IT.</p><p>Oh. He was not. He… he was not heartbroken. Which was good, right? It meant that he got over it, whatever “it” was, and he was not suffering anymore. It meant that he was happy and that was good. It meant that he and Meenah really… really were “something”, dating, or matesprits or whatever. It was… good. Karkat was happy and that was… good, great, fucking perfect. Fuck, fuck, fuck, he was crying again, it hurt and it was getting harder and harder to breath and John was a sadist for making him hear it, for making him get confirmation of it, and he was a selfish bastard for not feeling happy for his friend’s happiness, for being jealous of Meenah, and for wanting him to still be hurting instead…</p><p>- BUT...</p><p>- But?</p><p>
  <em>But?</em>
</p><p>- IT’S JUST THAT BREAK UPS ARE HARD, AND OFTEN HAVE UNEXPECTED CONSEQUENCES THAT CAN LINGER FOR YEARS.</p><p>- You’re telling me. When my wife left me, she took an entire political faction with her – replied John. - Those chess guys sure do love Roxy, don’t they?</p><p>And that was it, the conversation derived into a political debate and Karkat fucking Vantas trying to convince John to join the Rebellion. He had not been so forthcoming with him and Jade joining in, quite the opposite actually. Dave stopped listening and let his body rest on the window, still hidden behind a curtain with his eyes fixed in the troll. He didn’t think he was capable of stop looking at him. He couldn’t stop looking his every gesture when they were actually living together, it would be impossible now after so long without seeing him. What had just happened? Karkat had said that he was NOT heartbroken (which had hurt like hell and Dave was such a horrible, selfish person) and then he kind of implied he was but without actually saying it? What he meant with “unexpected consequences that can linger for years”? Was he or not heartbroken? And did Dave wanted him to be? He touched his cheek, still wet with his tears. How long had it been since he last cried? Years, decades probably. Since when Karkat left, when he actually realised that he was not coming back. He had cried then, night after night, in silence and alone, not wanting to worry Jade. Jade, who had been crying and feeling guilty in the beginning. Who had stopped crying after a week, smiling again after two. He kept doing it for years, in secret. Having nightmare after nightmare of Karkat leaving him, Karkat hating him, Karkat being captured and executed, Karkat being killed, Karkat dying in a battlefield, Karkat loving someone else. He run out of tears eventually and everything became… greyer, duller, empty. Until now. His chest hurt, his eyes burned, and he was still shaking but the world was suddenly… brighter, fuller, alive. Oh, oh! He loved him, he still loved Karkat, he loved him so much even after so long, he had never stopped loving him, he just gave up decades ago, he gave up and lost hope, he had been hopeless for so long. But now…</p><p>- OH SHIT, HERE COMES DAVE – said Karkat, suddenly. - I HAVE TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.</p><p>Dave looked astonished how the troll fumbled with something at his wrist and popped out a grappling line. With the same movement he hitched it on the edge of the balcony and jumped over the railing, the line slowing his descend until his feet reached the ground. With a moment of his wrist the line unlocked from the railing and came back to his gauntlet. Then, Karkat turned and run away at the same time that other-Dave exited the balcony. No, no, no. He was running away again, he was running away from Dave again. He was not ready to lose him again. He won’t lose him again. Without even thinking, he jumped from the window to the ground, letting gravity do his job until last moment when he used his powers to transform his falling into flying near the ground, following Karkat. He was not worried about doomed timelines anymore, he had not seen himself before, he was out of sight now and the loop was almost closed anyway, there was no point in hiding anymore. The only thing that mattered was finding Karkat before he vanished again.</p><p>He flew as fast as he could between the trees and bushes in the garden, almost parallel to the ground. He could have run instead but he was faster flying, specially now that he had begun doing it regularly for the Rebellion. It didn’t take long until he saw a lone figure standing at the edge of the garden, texting on his phone. He was probably asking for someone to came and pick him up. Maybe Meenah. Fuck, stop it with the jealousy, Strider! He wanted to call for the troll, but he had the suspicion that he would run away the moment he realised he was being followed. So, instead, he flew higher in silence and dropped himself in front of Karkat. He could pinpoint the exact moment when the troll saw him because even when his eyes were still looking at his phone’s screen, he completely froze up. Dave swallowed, incapable of saying anything. Fuck, he was even more gorgeous from that close. Not that it would have mattered anyway because it was Karkat, his Karkat, his old best friend, his life partner. He could have been the ugliest creature in the further ring and Dave would still have been heels over heads for him. The fact that he was so hot was actually a problem, it was making impossible for Dave to think.</p><p>- WILL YOU SAY ANYTHING AT ANY TIME SOON OR ARE YOU INTENDING TO KEEP FLOATING THERE LIKE ONE OF THOSE PLASTIC FLOATING BUBBLES THE HUMAN WRIGGLERS LOVE TO CRY OVER TO GET FROM THEIR DOUBLE STUPID LUSUS, ONLY TO CRY OVER AGAIN WHEN THEY STUPIDLY LET THEM GO AND IT FLIES TO THE SKY?</p><p>Oh, fuck, he was talking to him, he was ranting to him about stupid things. Like before, like always. Fuck, he was going to cry again. When had Dave transformed into a stupid high schooler girl with a crush on the Capitan of the football team? He had to say something, the troll looked annoyed and his ride would probably get there in a few minutes and he would be gone again, and then Dave would have lost another opportunity, another last opportunity, and, fuck, how many of those can someone have?</p><p>- FUCKING HELL, STRIDER! – exclaimed Karkat, almost throwing away his phone in a broad gesture. – STOP. FUCKING. MUMBLING.</p><p>Oh. Dave hadn’t even realised that he was thinking aloud. He had not done that in ages, since before Earth C, since the meteor. He lowered himself to the ground in front of Karkat and forced himself to look at the troll in the eye. He tried to answer with a cool replica, to say a joke or to change the topic but nothing came. For the first time in a lot of years he was out of words.</p><p>- Sorry – he managed to say with a soft voice that he almost didn’t recognised at his.</p><p>Karkat was giving him the stink eye but he eventually seemed to soften a bit. He closed his eye for a few seconds and when he opened it again there was no fury in it. No fury, no anger, no nothing. Only professional coolness.</p><p>- CONGRATULATIONS FOR YOUR WEDDING – he said in a cold voice. – NOW, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT, STRIDER?!</p><p>- Since when I’m “Strider” again? – Dave couldn’t stop himself to ask. – You haven’t called me like that since the first year in the meteor, Karkat.</p><p>- I’M FUCKING COMMANDER VANTAS TO YOU, AND I WILL CALL YOU STRIDER WHENEVER I FUCKING WANT TO, BILGESACK! – was the troll answer. - NOW, IF YOU DON’T HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY OR EVEN IF YOU DO, I REALLY DON’T CARE, I HAVE BUSINESS SOMEWHERE ELSE CALLED “NOT YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM, DOUCHEBAG”!</p><p>- Yes, Fucking Commander Vantas, sir! – Dave replied automatically, a small smile coming to life in his face and a gentle warm growing in his chest. Fuck, he loved bantering with Karkat like that.</p><p>- AAAAARGH!! – the troll exclaimed while putting his arms up to the sky in exasperation. – WHY THE FUCK I THOUGHT FOR A MILLISECOND THAT I COULD HAVE A FUCKING RATIONAL, ADULT CONVERSATION WITH A DOUCHEFUCK LIKE YOU?! I KNEW I SHOULDN’T HAVE COME HERE, IT WAS SO NOT WORTH IT, I HAVE LESS THAN TWO MINUTES BEFORE I’M DETECTED BY ONE OF THE BITCH PATROLS AND I’M NOT GOING TO SPEND THEM LISTENING TO THE GARBAGE YOU THROW EVERY TIME YOU FUCKING OPEN YOUR MOUTH, STRIDER!</p><p>Oh, right, they were in an open area and Karkat was the most looked for criminal of Earth C. Not the best place to chit chat. Dave looked at his surroundings, there had to be something, somewhere where they could hide and talk. He remembered that there was a small cabin in the garden, Jake had told them that it was an old gardener’s house. A gardener that died a few years ago, leaving the small cabin empty and conveniently close. It was perfect to hide for a few minutes.</p><p>- You are right man, we need to hide, come with me, I have an idea – he told him before grabbing his arm and dragging the troll after him to the cabin.</p><p>- WHAT THE FUCK?! – protested Karkat. – LET ME GO, YOU BLITHERING FECULENT SHITHOLE!</p><p>Dave couldn’t stop himself for laughing a bit after hearing that Karkat’s patented insult, but he didn’t let go of the troll’s arm. For all his complaining and insulting, Karkat had not freed himself yet. He was following him with only the basic complaining required by modal’s policy, probably the troll only wanted the use the opportunity to keep insulting him with all his extensive vocabulary. Shit, Dave had to be masochistic or something because he didn’t care, he was actually <em>happy</em> to hear Karkat insulting him, he was <em>glad</em> that Karkat was mocking and reducing his human existence to nothing, verbally. It just… it had been so long, too long since the last time he had heard his screening voice. The warm in his chest was expanding to other parts of his body and suddenly he felt so alive, more alive than he had felt in decades. He had missed this, he had missed it so much.</p><p>The door of the cabin was closed obviously but it only needed a gentle introduction to Dave’s foot to open. He went inside first and checked to be sure that there were no cameras or any other surveillance devices. It was a small, old and dusty cabin with spare furniture and no sign of technology, there was not even electric lights on sight. It was perfect. He signed for Karkat to come in and pulled him by his arm again when the troll didn’t move. He closed the door and suddenly they were in a dark, small room. Alone. He turned to look at the troll's face and realised that he could barely see his shape, a few millimetres of distance from himself. He jumped away instantly, blushing like a fourteen years old and looking around for any form of light, he remembered seeing an oil lamp somewhere.</p><p>- SO – he heard Karkat saying, somewhere behind him. – IS THERE ANY PARTICULAR REASON FOR WHICH YOU HAVE DRAGGED ME TO THIS DIRTY, RAT INFECTED HOLE?</p><p>- Sorry about that – answered Dave while he checked drawers in the dark, looking for a lighter. – You were right that it was dangerous to stay too long outside where anyone could spot us, this was the first hiding place that came to mind. With the exception of the ballroom, but I don’t think you would like to go back there, and I can’t until the time loop is finished.</p><p>- WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE TIME… ? – the troll began asking before interrupting himself. – YOU TIME TRAVELLED?! I THOUGHT YOU COULDN’T DO THAT ANYMORE!</p><p>- I can, I just prefer no to – corrected Dave, finally finding matches, now he only needed to find the lamp. – The timeline has not been right for some time, it’s the alfa line but at the same time, it’s not? I don’t know why, and I can’t fix it so I decided to stop doing it as a precaution.</p><p>- WHAT?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT IS NOT THE ALPHA LINE?! – Karkat exclaimed while reaching for something on the table, oh, the oil lamp. – YOU ARE FUTURE DAVE THEN? FROM HOW FAR IN THE FUTURE? WHY ARE YOU HERE? DID WE MESSED EVERYTHING UP AGAIN?</p><p>- Oh, no, nothing like that – he said while taking the lamp from Karkat’s hands, his fingers accidentally brushing with hot skin. – I mean, I don’t know if we fuck things up in the future. I just travelled back thirty minutes so it’s not that huge a distance. Actually, from seven and forty-five seconds in the future from now.</p><p>- THIRTY MINUTES? WHY? WHAT COULD EVER HAPPEN IN THIRTY MINUTES TO MAKE YOU DECIDE… - Dave turned on the lamp just in time to see the realisation came to Karkat’s face. – FUCKING EGBERT!</p><p>- In his defence he didn’t told me why he wanted me to go back in time – excused Dave. – I thought it was a prank first but then…</p><p>Fuck, he couldn’t tell Karkat that he had used his powers for first time in decades because he had a suspicion, because he hoped that maybe Karkat was there and he wanted to see him. It was just so embarrassing, it looked desperate if told like that, it had really been a desperate move. Karkat was silent for once, observing him and, fuck, the dim light of the lamp was reflecting in the troll’s face and eye, giving him an almost ethereal look. It was almost hurting Dave to look at him, his heartbeat was increasing and he was sure that his face was completely red and he was still wearing his sunglasses inside a dark cabin and Karkat looked so fucking gorgeous that Dave couldn’t barely think… Fuck, he didn’t care anymore. He took his glasses off, folded them and put them on the table before he turned to Karkat again. Time to show all his cards. In for a penny…</p><p>- Then I thought that maybe there was something that John wanted me to see, that maybe there was <em>someone</em> there that I… - he had to stop, his breathing shallow and his hands beginning to shake with fear. – Then I thought that maybe, <em>maybe,</em> that someone was <em>someone</em> I really wanted to see, <em>someone</em> that hadn’t been there during the ceremony even when I sent him a personal invitation, <em>someone</em> that has been avoiding me for decades and then… then I simply jumped back.</p><p>There it was, out in the air. Not everything but a part of it. He wasn’t sure if he would be able to say everything he wanted to say aloud. He wasn’t sure if he should.</p><p>- Oh – was all that Karkat answered.</p><p>They fell into silence again, an uncomfortable one. Karkat wasn’t saying anything for once, he was just observing him with a serious expression. Dave couldn’t stand it anymore.</p><p>- I saw you talking with John. You could have came inside, you know? – Dave said in such a low voice that it was almost a whisper. – I didn’t sent you an invitation only for courtesy, I wanted you there, we both did.</p><p>- YEAH, LIKE I’M GOING TO BELIEVE THAT – the troll said, letting go a sarcastic sound.</p><p>- I’m serious, Karkat! Half of the reason of this wedding was… ! – protested Dave before cutting himself, no, he couldn’t say that aloud, it would be irrespectful for Jade. – We haven’t seen you in almost twenty years, Karkat. You are still my best friend.</p><p><em>In spite of everything</em>, Dave didn’t say. <em>In spite of being so fucking in love with you</em></p><p>- OH, FUCK OFF! – argued Karkat. – LIKE I’M GOING TO BELIEVE ANY OF THAT GARBAGE! THERE IS NO “WE”, OKAY? AS IF JADE OR YOU CARE THE SLIGHTEST BIT ABOUT ME! DON’T TALK FOR OTHERS THAT ARE NOT PRESENT HERE TO BEGIN WITH! AND DON’T ACT LIKE YOU NEVER DID ANYTHING WRONG OR LIKE I WAS THE EVIL ONE HERE! I HAD PERFECTLY VALID REASONS FOR LEAVING!</p><p>- And whose reasons are those?! – screamed Dave. – Because you never told me! You never told anyone! You just left after that big discussion with Jane and began avoiding me like I had some deathly disease! I had to ask Kanaya for weekly reports to know if you were even alive or dead! – Dave’s breathing was becoming shorter and faster and he couldn’t stop racing his hands through his hair like a lunatic. - And then you became the fucking symbol of the Rebellion, which is amazing and made me so proud but at the same tame scared me to death because it meant that you were putting a bulls-eye in your back. Even after joining in the fucking Rebellion itself I was lucky if I ever managed to see you from afar. I was worried sick that the next time I saw your face it would be in the mortuary section of the Rebellion’s newspaper!</p><p>Dave was walking in circles by then, turning to the troll with every sentence that was spilling out unwillingly from his mouth. Karkat was in complete silence, his facial expression only showing anger and indifference while Dave was growing more and more desperate. He knew that screaming all that was probably not helping but he couldn’t stop himself.</p><p>- And then Jade began insinuating marriage so I kind of thought that I owed it to her and that, hey, maybe if I send him an invitation, Karkat will come to my wedding! – he tried to explain, mocking his own voice for a moment. – And I know it was a stupid and selfish reason to get married and probably unfair to Jade but I was going to go through with it anyway so what if I was not one hundred percent into it? What if a part of me was more excited by the idea that maybe, maybe, my best friend will decide I’m worth a visit every twenty years?! Maybe my fucking wedding will be enough, maybe I would be able to see him again even if it’s for a moment and from afar?</p><p>He had stopped walking at some point. His body was shaking so bad that he couldn’t keep walking anymore. He was crying again and without his glasses there was no way to hide it, not even the lack of proper illumination could help him. After all, the troll had a perfect night vision. He lowered his face and dropped his eyes to the floor. He was pathetic.</p><p>- I just… I just wanted to see you again – he whispered. – Nothing makes sense anymore, everything is so dull, so empty, I don’t know what is the point of anything anymore, what was the point of all that fighting and suffering during the game? If I had known I will have ended like this then, I would have let Jack kill me, now I can’t even die and there is nobody who could actually kill me anymore.</p><p>- SHUT UP! – screamed Karkat. – SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!</p><p>Dave raised his eyes, surprised for the troll’s reaction. He had not expected him to say anything anymore, he had not expected him to care. Karkat was looking at him furiously, in two steps he was just in front of him and then, suddenly, Dave found himself embraced by the troll.</p><p>- DON’T SAY THOSE HORRIBLE THINGS, STUPID! – he heard Karkat say near his ear in a painfully too high voice. – DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE TALKING ABOUT DYING! OR TO BETTER HAVE BEEN DEATH! WHAT WOULD I HAVE DONE WITHOUT YOU THOSE FIRST YEARS IN THIS UNSUFFERABLE PLANET?! YEAH, THINGS HAD BEEN BAD LATELY BUT IT DIDN’T BEGAN LIKE THAT, WE HAD GOOD MOMENTS THEN, RIGHT?! IT DOESN’T MEAN YOU WON’T HAVE MORE GOOD MOMENTS IN THE FUTURE.</p><p>Karkat was hugging him. He was being held by Karkat. A broken noise left Dave’s lips and he burrowed his face in the troll’s neck. He hugged the troll back, as tight as he could, ignoring the sickles’ sheath nailing his side. He was hot, literally hot. Karkat’s body temperature had always been a bit higher than any human, or other trolls. That was why he was always cold himself and wearing sweaters, he had always been like an alive heater. Dave used to put himself all over the troll in the couch to steal his warm during the cold months of winter, when they were still living together. Karkat always complained loudly until Dave offered to put a film, one of Karkat’s favourites room coms, and then they always ended up sleeping in the couch together. It had been nice, those were the best years, before Jane began her campaign, before Jade decided to move in with them, before everything.</p><p>- I love you – confessed Dave against the troll’s skin. – I always loved you and always will.</p><p>- I KNOW, DAVE – answered Karkat in one of his softest tones, letting go of Dave and pulling apart until they could see each other’s face again. – YOU NEVER SAID IT ALOUD BUT I KNEW IT, OK? I ALWAYS KNEW IT. THAT WAS NEVER THE PROBLEM.</p><p>Yeah, of course he knew, it was Karkat after all, nobody knew him better than the troll. And of course he was right, that had not been the problem. But his inability to fully express his feelings aloud hadn’t helped. What had been the problem, actually? The political situation? Jane’s xenophobic tendences? Jade constantly putting herself into their lives? Pushing and pushing until they both had accepted it. Or maybe his own failure as a proper human being? As a best friend? Probably a bit of everything, mixed together in an ugly mess that kept growing and growing until it was intolerable.</p><p>- I know I messed up, I know I messed up so bad that it didn’t really surprised me when you run away – he rushed to say, hoping to somehow fix decades of mistakes. – I’m sorry it happened, I’m sorry I didn’t follow you the moment you were out the door. I was a coward, I have always been a coward.</p><p>- DAVE… - was saying Karkat in a soft, resigned voice.</p><p>- Just… just know that I never stopped loving you – insisted Dave, feeling a horrible sensation of dread, a bad premonition taking hold of him in front of Karkat’s sad face. - I don’t think I can. Stop loving you, I mean. I, I don’t expect anything from you, this is not what this is, I have no right to expect anything of you after all this time.</p><p>But he did. He had no right to but he expected, needed something, anything, please Karkat, please…</p><p>- I KNOW, DAVE, I KNOW – repeated the troll with soft eyes and caring voice, a hand reaching to cares Dave’s cheek. – I CARE ABOUT YOU, OK? I WILL ALWAYS CARE ABOUT YOU.</p><p>Dave felt his tears coming back again with revenge. He put his hand over the troll’s one in his cheek and closed his eyes while leaning a bit into the touch. The feeling was wonderful, amazing, the best sensation in the world and Dave didn’t want it to finish ever. But Karkat had used the word “care” instead of “love”. Dave was quite stupid but even he could get what Karkat was trying to say. He “cared” about him in the same way that Dave “cared” about Roxy, Rose, John and Kanaya. He cared about Dave as a friend. He didn’t love him, not anymore.</p><p>- NO, NO, NO, DAVE PLEASE – he could barely hear Karkat’s voice anymore, a dark fog clouding his every though. – OH, COME HERE.</p><p>The troll pulled him into another hug, squeezing Dave against his chest. He was so wonderfully warm. Dave could hear Karkat’s heart pulsing under his ear, strong and constant. He even smelt good, an earthy, spicy smell that had been engraved into Dave’s brain as “Karkat’s smell” decades ago. He wanted to stop the time, he wanted to stop the time and life for an eternity there, between Karkat’s arms, as cheesy as it sounded. He was a Knight of Time so why he couldn’t do it? Why he could only travel through time instead of stopping it? Maybe he could keep going back to this moment again and again, doomed timelines be dammed. But he couldn’t. It was not fair to Karkat, he could not keep him here for all eternity just to realise Dave’s selfish wishes. The man was important to other people too, a full population of trolls depended on him. He also had someone waiting for him at home, he had Meenah. His hands clasped Karkat’s shoulders with a vice grip.</p><p>- I’m sorry – he apologized again. – I’m so sorry for this, I love you, I love you, I love you so much that it hurts.</p><p>- YEAH – murmured the troll. – I KNOW THE FEELING.</p><p>Dave didn’t ask who was the responsible of making Karkat feel like that. He didn’t ask who Karkat loved so much. Or who he loved so much in the past. He didn’t want to know. He kept hugging the troll while murmuring into his neck apologizes and inappropriate love confessions, followed for apologizing again for those confessions in an infinite loop. He almost lost notion of the time that had passed until he felt Karkat beginning to release him (three minutes, seventeen seconds). His arms froze, reluctant to let him go and he had to force his muscles to release him gradually. They pull away until there was a foot between them, Dave’s eyes locked on the floor. They felt puffy and itched but he had run out of tears.</p><p>- Sorry for the drama – he apologized again in a soft voice, he was beginning to feel dull and empty again.</p><p>- PLEASE, DON’T APOLOGIZE, NOT FOR THAT – replied the troll.</p><p>They remained in an awkward silence for a few moments.</p><p>- YOU SHOULD GO BACK TO THE BALLROOM BEFORE JADE MISSES YOU – said Karkat eventually.</p><p>- Why did you come today? – asked Dave suddenly. – You clearly didn’t want to meet any of us so, why did you even come?</p><p>- I DON’T REALLY KNOW – answered the troll in the softest tone his naturally loud voice could made. – I GUESS I WANTED TO BE SURE, CLOSE THAT EPISODE OF MY LIFE FOR REAL THIS TIME.</p><p>Dave nodded slowly. Yeah, he supposed it made sense, close an episode before moving forward to the next. He probably should try to do the same but he had been trying and trying for years without succeeding.</p><p>- I don’t think I can, close this episode I mean – he confessed in a tired voice. – I’m not trying to imply anything here, I just…</p><p>What was what he had said to John half an hour ago? You just have to live with it, no matter how it turns out. Keep living, keep walking, even if it hurts.</p><p>- I’m pretty sure I will never stop loving you so if someday you have a change of heart… - he continued without really knowing what he was doing, it was unfair, he shouldn’t be doing this to Karkat, he deserved better. – It doesn’t matter when, if you feel like giving this another chance just… let me know. I will be there.</p><p>- NO, DAVE, DON’T DO THIS – complained the troll. – I DON’T WANT YOU TO KEEP WAITING FOR ME, I DON’T KNOW IF I WILL EVER FEEL LIKE THAT AGAIN. I DON’T KNOW IF I COULD FEEL ANYTHING LIKE THAT AGAIN FOR ANYONE RIGHT NOW, THE REBELLION IS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS TO ME AT THIS MOMENT.</p><p>- I know, and it’s a worthy cause, I will do my best to help, me and Jade both – he agreed. – Nothing has to change. But maybe when we win this battle, and we will win it, if you want, I will be there. I will always be there.</p><p><em>“Unless you die in the battlefield” </em>went unsaid but Dave was sure that both of them thought it.</p><p>- I SHOULD GO, MY RIDE IS HERE - Karkat said then and Dave nodded. – I’M SORRY TOO, DAVE. PLEASE, TAKE CARE, BOTH OF YOU.</p><p>And with that the troll left the cabin, leaving Dave inside in the almost darkness. He didn’t move for a bit (five minutes and forty seconds) and then his legs finally gave up and he ended sitting in the floor for a bit more (thirteen minutes and twenty-two seconds), until Jade appeared in front of him with a pop and the electric sensation of her space powers. Dave smiled at her and answered “<em>nothing</em>” when she asked him what had happened, apologized to her when she told him that she had been worried sick, got up when she pulled his arm and followed her in silence when she brought him back inside. He laughed when John apologized, told him not to worry about it and thanked him for the best wedding gift ever. They mutually decided not to talk again about it, ever. He dismissed Rose inquiries with a shrug and avoided Kanaya’s eyes. He talked, and apologized, and joked, and danced. As expected of him.</p><p>Time didn't stop. Minutes became hours, hours became days, days into weeks, weeks into months, and months into years. He and Jade spent together all the time they could, they go away for their honeymoon and come back, they continued working in the Rebellion, the nightmares were worst than ever, Earth C kept spinning, the Rebellion kept fighting, life went on. Whatever.</p><p>The world was grey, dull and empty again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So... sorry, no sorry?</p></blockquote></div></div>
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